‘We are family too’ – Australian couples tell their stories about marriage equality
Why marriage equality matters to Australian couples …
Megan & Leanne
“Leanne and I have been together nearly 9 years. We met 2 years before we actually got together through mutual friends. We married in February 2006 in the Hunter Valley vineyards at Peterson’s Champagne House with over 100 people attending and honeymooned in Hawaii. Nearly 5 years on, we now have a 10 week old baby named James.
Besides the legal issues, we would like same-sex marriage approved to remove the stigma that we are somehow different. I fail to see how we are any different to heterosexuals when wehave both worked full-time, pay taxes, have a mortgage, have all our accounts in both of our names. I have even changed my surname to Leanne’s so we are under the one family name. We are both faithful and loving to each other and I believe we uphold the sanctity of marriage more so than many heterosexual couples.
Families have been changing constantly since the 1950s. I don’t think the government’s job is to stop this change but to move with it and alter the laws to incorporate everyone.”
Róisín & Anna
“My partner Anna from Warnambool, Victoria and I were legally joined in a civil partnership in the British Embassy in Dublin, Ireland on 6 August 2010. We are planning on returning to Victoria to set up home permanently.
Our day was glorious and a truly community affair. All our friends contributed to the arrangements and the ceremony. Some of the most humbling and beautiful things were said during speeches. Unfortunately the distance meant that none of Anna’s family could make the day but we are planning on a big celebration on our return to Australia. Hopefully we might be getting married under Australian law! Even though we were working with a very tight budget and not all the family and friends we would have wished to be with us could be there we had a wonderful day. Everyone we encounter has been nothing but supportive of our union and delighted for our happiness. We are planning a family and long happy life together. It is time that all governments woke up to the fact that we are family too and that our relationships in every meaningful way are just the same as heterosexual relationships. Civil partnership is not equality. Anna and I look forward to the day when our relationship and our family are viewed and treated with full equality.”
Alan & Joel
“Joel and I met online about 3 years before we actually met in person. I was looking for share accommodation and came across an add with a room to rent and applied. Little did Joel and I know that we had in fact been chatting online for a number of years. When I moved in there was just a connection between us, like it was fate that brought us together. Living on the NSW side of the NSW/ACT border we knew that there was no legal recognition for any form of ceremony however we decided that no Government was going to tell us who we could or could not marry. We wanted to show our love and commitment to each other in front of our family and friends like any other couple. We were Married on 12 September 2009. The day was perfect. That day actually changed the views of some of our family and friends about gay marriage, them seeing us standing there like any other couple expressing our love and commitment to each other helped them see why we are wanting our marriage to be recognised by the Australian Government, and all the things that they may take for granted as an opposite sex couple.”
Chris & Jozef
“Jozef and I got married on the 23rd of December 2006, and it was the happiest day of our life. All our families and friends were there and the day was just magical. Even though Jozef was only just 19 and myself only 20, we vowed that we were and are so in love we would stay committed to one another forever. My Christian mother read out a beautiful quote from the bible about love and affection to another human spirit and other beautiful poems and quotes were read by different members of the family. We and our families recognise our relationship status as 100% married and need the government to just make it legal so that others will see us as being 100% married.”
Victoria & Sonja
“Sonja and I were married on February 14, 2009. Hyde Park was rained out, so the wonderful people at the Metropolitan Community Church in Petersham saved us by providing their lovely church for our ceremony. Over 200 of our family and friends witnessed our commitment to each other, where we read our own vows to each other. My daughter gave me away; Sonja’s mother gave her away. Our workplace, community, friends and family support and recognise our union. Now we wait, encourage and support every effort made to obtain the same recognition from our government.”
Lucie & Dina
“My wife and I tied the knot in an intimate ceremony at 11am on 7 March 2009 in the Sydney Botanical Garden. The only thing that could have made it perfect would have been if it was legal in this country! The day was lovely, and we feel very different to what we did before we publicly made our vows to one another. We are not second class citizens and our love is no different than that of any other couple, heterosexual or otherwise. We introduce each other as ‘my wife’ and don’t care what anyone else may think about us. We are honest citizens of Australia and will not allow the government to tell us who we can and cannot love and marry. We thank all the people who made our day special and who recognise and accept our union. You know who you are and we love you!”
PJ & Darren
PJ and Darren have been together for eight years and married in Brisbane on 16 November 2002. “Both our families love and support us and they don’t understand why our marriage is not recognised in Australia.”
Jim & Victor
“Victor and I met in July 1990 and have been together ever since. After I’d asked him to marry me several times over the years, Victor finally said ‘Yes’. We wanted our wedding to be a reflection of our love for each other and an experience of love for our guests. It was more important for us to be among those closest to us (gay and straight), than it was to get married ‘legally’. So, we got married in February 2006 at our home in Sydney, surrounded by friends and family. It was a beautiful ceremony that had everyone crying. Lots of people told us it was the best wedding they had ever been to. They still talk about it. The amazing thing for me is that I didn’t really think being married would change anything; it was a celebration and statement of our love. I was wrong. It was like a magic spell. Being married to the man I love has transformed our relationship – allowing us to go deeper together, letting me love him more. Every person has the right to this kind of joy.”
Simon & Jonathan
“We first met at a country dance in the Daylesford Town Hall, during the Chillout festival. I liked the way he danced, so full of energy and life and his big beaming smile”, says Jonathan. In 2004, the UK introduced same-sex unions that could take place in British consulates overseas. “We decided we were ready for marriage and thought we’d have a quiet ceremony with a few friends. But, like all these things, the wedding grew organically into an amazing series of events.” Jonathan’s mother even dug out the morning suit that his grandfather and father were married in. “We had the official wedding at the Melbourne consulate with our close friends and family – my brother came from the UK and Simon’s family were all there. The next day we had our own event at Fitzroy Town Hall, with 150 guests plus kids for lunch and a ceremony based loosely on the marriage service.” Simon and his friends sang five beautiful classical songs (he’s an opera singer by trade), Jonathan’s brother and Simon’s mother read from the book ‘The Prophet’ and the whole gathering witnessed their vows. Simon’s father, a retired Anglican minister gave a superb address in which he said “those who don’t like gay marriage, will just have to put up with it”. “Gay marriage isn’t just about legal recognition, it’s about claiming our right to be included as full members of society.”
Adam & Mark
Adam and Mark had known each other for some time, but it wasn’t until they reconnected through Mark’s salon that things progressed. “As both of us were not long out of a relationship, we were initially cautious, but we shared the same vision for a committed and honest relationship and things developed quickly. The next thing we knew, we had been together two years. Eleven months after I had proposed to Mark, we were ‘married’ on November 11th, 2006 in front of our family and friends. Being announced as ‘life partners’ is the most memorable moment in both of our lives and is something that will forever be with us. It is our dream that one day the laws will allow our union to be legally recognised in Australia. We were so deeply moved by our commitment ceremony that we have developed a website documenting every aspect, difficulty and success of our special day. You can view it here.
David & Michael
David and Michael met on Manly Wharf in Sydney in January 1973. David was visiting home from London where he was completing post graduate studies and Michael was visiting from Melbourne for work. David returned to London a week later and Michael to Melbourne. A long distance courtship ensued with many letters, phone calls and tape recordings going back and forth. Michael headed for London in August 1973 and he and David have lived together since in London, Melbourne and now Cairns. “Although our relationship was strong, marriage seemed important to give formal recognition to it. We very much regret we are unable to do it in Australia.” Michael and David were married, 33 years and 2 days after starting their relationship, in Toronto on 15 August, 2006. “We will forever be grateful to Canada for the opportunity and look forward to the day when we have equal recognition in our own country.”
Kat & Una
“I (Katherine) was living in Bristol in the UK when I met Una. We have been together for six and a half years. We have been living in Brisbane since April 2006 when Una gave up all she knew to come with me back to Australia. Before we left the UK we took advantage of the civil partnership arrangements and tied the knot on the 1st April 2006 at the Bristol Registry Office. I can honestly say it was the best day of my life, surrounded by our British friends and family. There was such an atmosphere of love, joy and fun. How could anyone say that’s wrong? Since moving back to Australia we have discovered how many different ways we encounter discrimination largely due to government policy and legislation.”
Heather & Michelle
Heather and Michelle married in Toronto, Canada in December 2005. Upon their return to Australia, they celebrated with a party in Brisbane. They give thanks to everyone who supported them, and offer encouragement and best wishes to others who are considering marrying.
Kaz & Elaine
Elaine and Kaz were married at Elaine’s home on 27 December 2004 in Brantford, Ontario, Canada. “It was a small ceremony and very enjoyable. We both believe with our hearts we are true soulmates. We are very much alike in many ways. Ten days after our ceremony we headed off to India for two and a half months, it was a very intense time for both of us, and yes we have come through it with flying colours, we are now in Australia for Kaz to finish off her studies, then we both will be returning to Canada to live. We are both very committed to each other, and our love has grown deeper as the days have past.”
Stephen & Daniel
Together since September 2003, Stephen and Daniel were married on 11 December 2004 at the State Rose Garden, Werribee Mansion, Victoria. “We are very much in love and having made a private commitment to each other, we decided that we wanted our family and friends to share that also. It is a shame that our union is not legally recognised in Australia but that may change in time. It is recognised by our family and friends and that in itself is important. When Stephen and I married, we each married the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with. We had a wonderful day surrounded by those people who love us and are important to us.”
John & Max
John is from Vancouver and came to Australia to work in January 2003. Max had migrated from the UK a year earlier. “We’ve cohabitated since August 2003, got engaged in April 2004 and were married in front of our family and friends at Seasons in Queen Elizabeth Park in Vancouver, Canada on 10 October 2004. Our civil celebrant Diane Brown brought both warmth and solemnity to the occasion. And we danced until the cows came home!”
Alicia & Isabella
“Alicia and I met at work, we were so young! I found out she had a crush on me and the next thing I knew she was kissing me on a night out with mutual friends… Cupid shot his arrow and now 7 years, 4 animals and a first home purchase later we’re finally getting married! We have decided to go back to my home town of Vancouver, Canada to tie the knot in the snow (her idea…. she has no idea how cold it’s going to be!) and legally. I think it’s sad that in such a wonderful, easy going country there is such inequality being supported by the government. Whether the law here in Australia acknowledges it or not, I’m marrying the woman of my dreams whom I love with all my heart!” Alicia and Isabella will marry on 29 December 2005.
Scott & Manuel
Scott and Manuel met and moved in together in March 1993. They moved to the Gold Coast in 1995 to start a business together in the building materials supply industry. “Working and living together has been a big learning curve, but on 19 August 2004 we flew to Bali for our commitment ceremony. At the beginning it was to be just the two of us as our family are scattered in may parts of the world. After a six hour plane delay in Brisbane, however, waiting in the Qantas lounge, we met a group of twelve friends going to Bali for their annual holiday. It soon came to be that they were dubbed the ‘Qantas rent-a-crowd’ and helped celebrate our wonderful day together. Since arriving back home we have stayed in contact with the ‘Qantas rent-a-crowd’ and get together often and have forged friendships which will last for many years to come.”
Mel & Nikki Gelardi-Bunyi
“Mel and I met in 1997 at a private pathology laboratory where we were working as scientific officers. It was love at first sight, like we had met in a previous lifetime. Due to discrimination we left the laboratory back in 2000 and opened a same sex dance company called Le Groove Dance Co. We love working together and even though we’ve been together for almost seven years now, I still get that butterfly feeling and our love just grows stronger and stronger. Mel and I believe we are truly soulmates.” Mel and Nikki are photographed after their commitment ceremony which occurred at Heffron Hall, Metropolitan Community Centre, Surry Hills, Sydney.
Robert & Morrison
“After fifteen years together, and after almost ten years of Robert asking me, we finally spent five days in North America and we were married. I was never interested in marriage, “Why do we need to?” or “Why do you want a piece of paper?” I would keep asking him. Then a few months ago he said to me that he had arranged it and we were going to Canada to get married. I now consider this the best thing I have ever done. I just love being married.”
Damian & Graham Douglas-Meyer
“We first met in the crowded public gallery of the Legislative Council of the Western Australian Parliament as the first of WA’s comprehensive lesbian and gay law reforms passed into law. From the very first, it was as if we had both finally met each other’s soulmate, and we wanted our family and friends, and indeed the world, to recognise that fact. After a priest blessed our union before our family and friends in Perth, we travelled to Toronto to gain the legal recognition from Canada, knowing we would not rest until Australia also recognised that fact.” Damian and Graham were married on 26 March 2004 in Toronto, Canada.
Drew & Lee
Drew and Lee met in August 1999 through mutual friends at a house warming party in Sydney. Drew says, “When we first discussed making a public commitment to each other through a commitment ceremony and or marriage, we knew that we were already committed to each other, but we wanted our family and friends to share in that commitment. So we decided that the most natural thing was to have a commitment ceremony, since a marriage was not legal in Australia”.
We met online in 2002. Richard was living in America and Darryl in Australia. Darryl visited Richard and lived in the USA for three months. We tried to keep Darryl in the USA but there is no law providing for the immigration sponsorship of same sex partners. We decided the only recourse was for Richard to emigrate to Australia. Richard sold everything, left his country, kin and friends behind to be with Darryl. Richard spent his entire life savings to achieve this goal. We held a union ceremony in 2004 but this has no legal standing.
We have a lovely home and we wish to be officially married. We are law abiding, hard working tax-paying citizens and we deserve this right. We have handsomely paid for this right. Richard decided to leave American when he realized how much of a second class citizen gays and lesbians are in the USA.
We do not wish to be second class citizens in Australia too. We demand marriage equality and will work every day to achieve this.
Australian Marriage Equality
